I have been ruminating for a while about how to proceed with this blog. I consider myself a "creative type" so for Me, the possibilities really ARE endless. I landed on the idea of "1 class a week" this evening and it was nothing if not circumstantial.
It's time for Me to tell you a little bit more about My story and why Self Care Diva is so close to me heart……I am a newly single parent of two beautiful precious creations- a 6 year old daughter and a 8 month old son. Their presence gives my life meaning where it once had none. And the circumstances behind my becoming a newly single parent have everything to do with the broad and bold topic of Self-Care. I was in a loveless marriage for almost 7 years of my life…..and I really don't want to whine about it to you. The details may become pertinent in another context. I will simply say that the concepts of Self Care, Self Respect and Honoring MySelf simply COULD NOT coexist within the backdrop and completely oppressive environment of this marriage. I tried this-a-way and that…..I tried wiping away entire portions of my SELF to make it work. Oh I tried.
I had so many hang-ups weaving me back into the relationship again and again…..so many fears. And I also had a spouse who was always ready with a long list of ever-effective manipulative tactics, many of them stemming from said-hang-ups, making sure that I always felt incompetent and that I was never going to "measure up". I will also save the intricate details of my "awakening" from this haze of pain and suffering for another, more related topic of discussion. The important thing to note is: this relationship began to change it's shape when I stopped playing the "game" I could not win and started practicing My Self Care.
I want to take a moment to highlight the words My Self Care. Self Care IS a VERY broad label- and intentionally so. It works where more specific ways of describing some kind of "self-nurturing" like "body care" do not because EVERY PERSON NEEDS DIFFERENT CARE. I love this so much. It means that becoming a part of this thriving, supportive community only requires the desire to take better care of oneself- and knowing that YOU are the ONLY ONE who can define what that means for you. It could be taking more time for your writing or doing art. It could mean going back to school and getting your degree. It could mean hiring an accountant instead of trying to do your own taxes. It really is anything pertaining to and directly addressing the needs of YOU as a multi-facetted individual with many different types of needs and what You Can DO to address areas of your life that aren't working by means of one simple thing; better Self Care.
I figured this would not be nearly as intriguing of a blog if I were a happily married woman (why I don't know…) But being a single Mother HAS ITS CHALLENGES. I mean Hell, if it DIDN'T more women would probably "get the heck out" of more disempowering relationships a lot more often. For Me, My Commitment to Self Care as a message to all of the hurt and diseased parts of Me (my mind, my body, my emotions- wherever there is dissonance) is what ultimately would not ALLOW me to continue in a relationship that did not RESPECT VALUE HONOR SEE HEAR and-God knows-LOVE ME. And it is neither ironic nor a coincidence (yes, I'm an "everything happens for a reason" AND an "everything is an Opportunity" type) that I have now found myself in ONE OF THE HARDEST CIRCUMSTANCES to have GOOD, CONSISTENT SELF CARE in the history of our society. Another point I will not elaborate on, but one that is easily taken as fact among anyone who has embarked upon the parenting journey, single or not.
In my world these last few weeks have been pretty heavy and I have felt WAY off my game. There have been many recent challenges- from out of town visitors to falling-outs with loved ones-but what I have been truly discombobulated about has been my financial situation more than anything else. The fears, the anxieties, the negative thoughts and the CIRCULAR thinking have ALL been EATING MY LUNCH. I have crazy knots in my shoulders, neck and back and that's not even really "like" Me- generally speaking.
So back to the circumstance that created the 1 class a week idea. Well its Sunday which for Me CAN be a day to start planning a week ahead that includes everything that truly matters to me- it can be a day when I have the ability to be more thoughtful and reflective about "what isn't working" and it has been very clear that all the worrying and obsessing about money has ACTUALLY not been productive. But what I have done in addition to worry a lot is I have cut down on my Self Care. Why? Well it was never intentional!!! Does anyone who makes a Self Care Commitment ever Intend to Stop it?? But when you're worrying all the time instead of thinking positively about WHAT WILL WORK for you and the ACTION you need to take it is SO EASY TO DO!!
So it's Sunday and I realize that a friend of mine is teaching an Amazing Dance Class tomorrow at 6pm. Not only is this a friend of mine and a class I have enjoyed so much in the past, but he was actually out of the area for a while and his class went with him!! He has been back for a few months and I just keep "watching those Monday nights roll by". Now here is where I am going to interject the awareness that True Self Care looks SO different for everybody. It really IS an Inclusive Idea. For ME, Dancing just really tickles my fancy. And so does getting out into nature, yoga, eating awesome DELICIOUS food, taking awesome superbly special care of My Kids and experiencing just about anything New in general because I LOVE ADVENTURE. My blog will be about My Self Care but as You read I want you to think about the things that pop into your head that are "your things" for Your Self Care. You will know what they are.
I got a surge of inspiration this evening, by the Grace of God, and I started into Pro-Active Self Care Mode, when I had a thought I have had more than once in the past (which originated when I realized just how much work it was GOING TO BE to get to this class, get a sitter, get everything READY for the sitter AND TAKE THE SITTER HOME!!) and that was "Taking Superbly Special Amazing CARE of MySelf and MyLife (Every Aspect according to my true values and beliefs) is A LOT of Ball-Busting Hard Work but I DESERVE IT, I MATTER THAT MUCH AND I AM WORTH IT!!!" These are not small statements for me. They are statements I try with every intentional bone in my body to bring myself back to when I get off balance, lose my focus and my world seems to be rocking violently by a storm that I CANNOT navigate. I CANNOT navigate my way THROUGH the negativity, the Self-Doubt and the Critical Thoughts. It's just Not Possible. Getting into action with My Self Care is the only thing that works for Me. I believe that Positive Self Care is the antidote to the poison of all negativity within ourselves waiting to be healed.
Needless to Say I found a Sitter and got MySelf all set up to go breeze and "hit the wind" tomorrow night at my friend Jhon Stronks' 6pm Monday Open Modern at the Met here in Houston. 1 class a week. Maybe that is the best I can do right now, maybe that is all I can do. But the effort and the intention represent everything I know and have found to be true about My Own Authentic Self Care Journey- and I know You will find this too when You Commit to YOU as a way of healing and loving yourself- and that is that EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!! Every SMALL decision to move into taking better care of yourself IS A VICTORY!!! and it reverberates throughout not only YOUR LIFE itself, but the ALL other lives that you touch every day. This goes back to one of the clearest messages I have to share with you and that is that YOU MATTER!!! IN EVERY POSSIBLE SENSE OF THE IDEA!!!!
Make a decision this week to do 1 specific thing to honor yourself every week for the next 6 months (maybe even pick something that you feel especially misunderstood about- this can be even more nurturing and healing) and give yourself 2 hrs. once a week to dedicate to that thing, event or practice that JUST GIVES YOU PURE JOY. I know you will start to see the goodness healing and love within yourself begin to snowball. Remember, being a Self Care Diva is taking Awesome Superbly Special Care of Yourself so that You Can Show up and be available to the people and things that really matter to you. It is also the Amazing Opportunity to Model this type of Loving Behavior for anyone who might be noticing (for me my children). The effect of this 1 good thing will be felt all over your life, I guarantee it.
Good luck and I will be reporting back to you with my experiences, challenges, growths and victories and I WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME!!!
Take Awesome Superbly Special Care of Yourself!!